I’m not talking about actually getting married. Yes, that’s a big commitment but we’ve already established that that’s happening. I’ve known it would be happening from the minute he met my mum on board the Holland America Rotterdam cruise ship docked in Liverpool and I thought “he’s passed the test”. We moved in together after 11 months and are already engaged so the commitment of pledging our lives together before gathered friends and family and an unrelated registrar is a commitment we’ve accepted is on the cards. No, the big commitment stuck on both of our minds is financial.
To put you into the bigger picture: we want to get married AND we want to buy a house.
Cut back to November 2019; pre-engagement, approaching my first Christmas after closing my pantomime production company having spent the previous Christmas being terrorised by a (predominantly) rude and unruly cast, and relishing in the reduced pressures of time spent with family. The world was our oyster. Actually we had an Indian Takeaway that night so the world was our chicken pakora. This one night in November, Liam and I were having dinner (we’ve established that already) with my parents and confessed our future plans: Liam wanted to get a house then get married, and I wanted to get married before getting the house, so we didn’t feel guilty that an extra guest at the table would be cutting into the deposit savings. It wasn’t a stand off til dawn, but it at least showed us multiple possibilities and suggested some kind of compromise was on the cards.
And then we found Halifax’s Family Boost mortgage, which meant we might be able to get the mortgage first, reducing our monthly outgoings (yes, mortgages are cheaper than rent!) and take out a loan to pay for the wedding within a short period. Bob’s your uncle, Fanny’s your aunt… and you can afford to invite both Bob and Fanny to your big day. We got engaged a month later so Bob and Fanny could go and buy a hat.
Then came Rona.
We’ve been relatively lucky where the Ro-Ro is concerned: no serious drama in the present but plans for our future have certainly been disturbed like Joe Lycett’s collection of antique biscuits. SAMANTHA PETERSON! (If you haven’t see Joe Lycett’s standup that while reference will be lost on you so please progress straight to the next paragraph pretending I said nothing).
Where I left you last, we’d viewed our third venue (the Palm House) and were awaiting a conversation with their in-house caterers, Dine. The phone call was brilliant, lots of great catering options and really exciting possibilities. The quote, by wedding standards, wasn’t even that extortionate. These things just cost a lot. So although it’s fine by wedding standards, the whole nuptial experience can cost the equivalent of a house deposit.
And herein lies our quandary. Weddings are expenny henny.
Add to this, the devastating news that the Halifax Family Boost mortgage is not currently available due to CoRona Cameron’s effect on the economy. It all comes back to BoJo and his useless gaggle of gonads.
So we have some decisions to make before committing to shell out a small fortune on either a new house, a new surname or both. Options:
- Save for a house and do the wedding once it’s a done deal (if you think this is the sensible option you’re not on my side!)
- Save for the perfect wedding then sell one of our lungs to fund the house
- Take a hack saw to the day time guest list and make the wedding more affordable and flirt with a mortgage advisor to get the best deal so we can still try both
- Both try to get a sugar daddy
As I’m sure you can imagine, we’ve got some decisions to make. But for now, before we’re financially committed either way, our only financial decision to make is which restaurant to order from on Just Eat. Happy Sunday Huns!